The Way It Was #7: Occasionally Men Survive Divorce Okay

The Way It Was #7
Irlandes, Feb 5, 2009, 4:46pm
Originally posted to the "Don't Get Married" forum (now closed).

Most of my writings about the MRA/FRA activism of the 80's and early 90's are somewhat negative, because that's the way it was.

However, once in a while something good happened. I can't take a lot of credit for such successes. My role was to supply accurate information on the court processes, and problems that generally faced men involved in divorce.

So, when a man did succeed, it was more a case of him actually listening, and having the cojones to run with the ball, so to speak, instead of sitting and taking what happened without resistance.

The first such case that comes to mind involved an excellent young man called Mike, an Eagle Scout who worked in my factory. This was in the late 80's or early 90's. He discovered that his wife was fecking around, and wanted a divorce. I was awfully hesitant when he called, because I knew his dad, who was a full-fledged know-it-all. I expected anything I said was a total waste of time, since his dad would inform him my views were nonsense, being the great wizard he was.

I don't know what happened between Mike and his dad, but in any case, Mike took the ball and ran like the wind. He did hire a private detective to dig up the dirt on her, which might have been his dad's ignorance, assuming her adultery had some meaning to a divorce judge. But, apparently, the evidence worried her, because before trial, she stipulated primary care to him. Or, maybe she realized caring for a kid would interfere with banging time. Or, maybe Mike really did document himself as primary care parent which is what I tried to teach them.

I saw that neat little boy at Scout meetings with his grandpa, not long before retirement. He would be either in high school or in college now. It gives me a good feeling to know my efforts may have jump-started Mike into getting that kid, and that kid was raised with his father and grandparents instead of by baby-sitters while mom was out banging around.


The second case was the only time I ever even came close to urging a dirty trick. It is very dangerous for men to attempt the dirty tricks women routinely use in divorce, because mangina judges will wipe out any man they so much as suspect of dirty tricks. Look at the man who has been in jail for fourteen years, because a judge assumes he has money hidden, though the experts couldn't find it.

In this case, a couple with two kids, let's call them Bill and Judy though I have no idea of their names, moved from the Midwest to Florida because there was a lot of unemployment in the Midwest. This call was unusual because it came from clear across the state. I have no idea how he heard of me.

Judy got involved in the drug scene. Finally, Bill took the two kids back to the Midwest to live near his parents. He filed for divorce.

Judy told him she was concerned if he got the kids, she would never be able to see them again. Bill was concerned if Judy asked for custody, she would get them and he would never see them again, plus they would be raised in the drug culture.

I told him to offer her paid round-trip bus tickets for three years from Florida to the Midwest to visit her kids.

He said, "I should not have to do that. She should pay for her own transportation."

I told him he was absolutely correct. He should not have to pay for her to come visit the kids. However, if she came back to the Midwest and asked for custody, she would almost certainly get it. Then, he would be paying more each month for child support than the cost of those bus tickets. Plus his kids would be raised in the drug culture, and he probably wouldn't get to see them very much.

Druggies do not have a real good sense of time. And, so three years would sound like forever to her. Then, soon enough, no more bus tickets, and she would be out of his hair forever.

He said he would let me know how it came out, but men really never did.

However, I figure it worked. Many months later, I got a call from a man in the same community, clear across the state. He admitted he had no idea why he was calling me, but a man at work told him when he announced his wife was filing for divorce, that if he didn't call me first thing, he was insane. I took that as a sign Bill got his kids for the price of a few bus tickets. ;D


There were other cases where dad got the kids, but I didn't always know the details as I did on these.